Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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