WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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