It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Randomize
