My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
