things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
