i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
So vagazzling was a success
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
