I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
