Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
even my farts smell like vagina
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
