I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
