i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Randomize
