Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
