The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
