please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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