roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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