My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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