her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
you made out with another girl for some wings
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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