im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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