Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
