You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
