I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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