It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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