The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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