The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
