i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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