I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
