ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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