a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
