The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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