why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
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