Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
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