don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
last night I used snow as a chaser
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
