i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
there is glitter all over my balls
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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