OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
