i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
i think i have two assholes
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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