I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
