i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
