you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
