I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Randomize
