he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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