I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
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