covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Mom said you looked used
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
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