I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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