Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
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