I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Found the puke drawer
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Randomize
