I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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