I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Randomize
