He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
