in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
His nipple licking is glorious
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