I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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