Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
You made out with two different species that night
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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