i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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