hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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