I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
